Sunday, March 10, 2013

Agony of widow whose hubby was killed by fallen tree

September 2012 was particularly sad for Mrs Vivian Joseph Kolo, as her husband was killed by a fallen tree during a storm in Minna, the Niger State capital.
Six months after that incident, the mother of one and an Inquiry Officer in the state’s Board of Internal Revenue told ADELOWO OLADIPO in this interview that though she is still relatively young, she has no plans for now to settle down with another man.
Madam, what can you recall about the unfortunate loss of your husband, the late Joseph Kolo (a lawyer) who died during a heavy rainfall in September last year? Did you have any premonition of his death?
Well, your coming here today (Wednesday March 6, 2013) is actually a coincidence; because it is exactly six months today that he passed on. He died on September 6th, 2012.
No, not at all. It was a Thursday. Both of us were at home in the morning and we left for our different places of work together. He had his own car and I had my own car too. We drove out almost at the same time. And we used to speak at intervals during the day to know each other’s whereabouts. On the fateful day he died, we spoke at 2 p.m. We also spoke at 4 p.m. and I sent him a text message between 2 p.m. and 4 p.m., because he needed somebody’s phone number. Suddenly, there was a rainfall that day.

Where was he going at the period he met his untimely death?
He was going to his colleague in the chambers; that is the Chairman of Minna chapter of the Nigerian Bar Association, Mr. Teidi. It happened exactly in front of his house, because he was about to give Teidi a document to go through so that when they met later in the evening, they could talk about it. Unfortunately, there was this storm and a tree just fell on him. That was what happened.

That afternoon, did you have any inkling he might not return home to take his lunch that you had prepared for him?
Actually, if I say no, then I have not told you the candid truth. What really happened on that day (and even before then) was that I had a dream, as to how I would be if I were to become a widow. Somebody just died before then, and the next thing I asked myself was ‘who would be the next widow?’ The person who died earlier was a family member. So, the next question I asked myself was who would be the next widow? And I was just wondering how one would be as a widow, and suddenly, I became one.

When you had the strange dream, did you pray against it?
Yes, I did pray against it, but death is inevitable and anything can happen. Though I did my possible best, I prayed over it, there was nothing else I could do to stop it from happening. If it was God’s time for my husband to die, fine.
How long were you married, and how many children are you blessed with?
We had been married for seven years, and we were blessed with a child, a boy. However, before the birth of the boy, we had had three miscarriages and even after his delivery, I had three miscarriages. The last one was on January 2012. So, I was just recovering when the incident occurred. My boy is going to be five years old on the 24th of this month.

How has your son taken the untimely death of his father? Has he ever asked after him?
Yes, he did that even yesterday. Whenever he asks after his father, I usually feel for him. But I am his pillar right now, so I do not need to show the manner I feel towards his daddy’s death. I have to be strong for him. Even this morning, when I asked him to take the morning prayers, he said, ‘Mummy, we pray for daddy to come back and meet us.’ And I said ‘Amen’. But I do not need to let him know the gravity of what has happened, because it is really affecting him and I know how far I have tried to bring him out of that trauma. Initially, it affected him in his school; but now, he has picked up academically again.

How has life been as a widow in the past six months?
It has not been easy. I wouldn’t wish becoming a widow at a very young age even for my worst enemy, especially for couples who are very close. We were very close. He was my son; he was a father, a husband, my everything.

Were the two of you from the same home town?
We were not from the same home town but both of us are from Niger State. We are Nupe by tribe, but we are from different local governments. I am from Gbako Local Government while he was from Lavun Local Government area of the state. Our local governments are not far from each other.

What were the shared dreams between the two of you that were not accomplished before his untimely death?
Even that day he died, I told him I did not like how the house looked, and he said, my dear, money would come and we would erect a better one; and I said okay. He was thinking of getting another new car and I said, okay when the car came in, I would need to drive that one while he would also drive the one I am using. He said no, he would not give me the key to the new one and I now said, well I am a woman and I know how to win that key back to myself. He planned the best for us and my son, but unfortunately death did not permit him to do that.

It has been six months since you lost your husband to sudden death. Has it crossed your mind to go into another relationship?
For now, I do not have marriage in my agenda. I still remember my late husband every blessed day. I am always feeling him right behind me. My mind is still blocked to such things. I want to give my son the best, especially educationally, because that was what his father was really after. He wanted him to attend the best schools. He really wanted his child to come out very neat and smart, and have since been doing that.

How has the society reacted to your situation? Are you encouraged or discouraged by the family members, his associates and even the Church of God where you both worshiped when he was alive?
Everybody has been very supportive to me and my son, most especially the NBA, Niger State chapter, Minna branch. They have really done their best for us. His friends have not forgotten us; they still call, visit and surprise us with beautiful gifts. For the church where both of us worshipped, the pastor of the church, especially, has been very helpful towards the family.
Also, the Niger State Emergency Management Agency has tried for us. The Director-General NSEMA, Alhaji Mohammed Saba, called on me that I should come; that they had a relief for us, which was about N300,000, and I went and collected it.

Do you wish that your son reads Law when he grows up, so that he can continue from where his father stopped?
Actually during the first few days after his daddy died and they were doing his burial at Doko, his home town, some lawyers were around. They interviewed (my son) and he said he was not going to be a lawyer. I thought (he made that decision) because of what happened to his father, he said no; that he did not want to be a lawyer because lawyers die a lot. I don’t know what he might want to become later in life.

What are the immediate challenges?
For now, we do not have much challenge because the way I was brought up, I believe I can adapt to any environment I find myself. When he was here, he bore the family’s responsibilities. When he was here, I never paid for my hair; he took me to the salon and paid for everything. He would tell me ‘my dear, your salary is for your creams and your jewellery. Don’t tell me you do not have jewellery or that your cream is finished.’ But anything for the house, he took the   responsibilities. Today that he is no more there, I have to adapt to the environment, and whatever I have, I can manage.
Tribune

No comments: