Chidera Amakanyadioha
The high rate of child sexual abuse in recent times, has become worrisome to many parents.
The most disturbing realization is that most of the perpetrators are family members. Thus abuse occurs at the hands of people the children know and trust. An under aged can be violated at home, school or neighbourhood. Some children being used as under aged workers can also be violated at their places of work.
Tragically, many victims of sexual abuses hardly, ever, open up to anyone about it. Every year, hundreds of boys and girls fall victim to sexual abuses and exploitations.
Karen Duncan on the website Counselling.org, said: “Child sexual abuse is a significant family health risk for women and their children due to the intergenerational aspect of this trauma and the immediate and long-term disruption it can cause in the mother-child relationship.”
A healthy relationship between a mother and her child, enables a mother to groom her child's development and guard her child from potential harm.
On the other hand, women who are hardly ever present, distant, inactive and withdrawn, unavailable emotionally, neglectful towards the wellness of their child, tend to have poor communication with their children.
However, these days, mothers and fathers are beginning to devise means to guard against their children becoming victims of pedophiles.
A mother of three, who didn’t want her identity to be revealed and who also had experienced sexual violation, said: “The truth is that as parents, you can’t always be there with your child or children. But it is important that a parent or parents create a strong relationship with their children. That way, they'll have the mind and will to share whatever disturbing matters with you as their parents. The foundation has been set right from their cradle. There's a thin line between being overly strict, disciplined and unapproachable, which most parents are yet to understand.”
A single father, Mr. Henry, said that parenting might not always be easy, but what works for him is that he disciplines his child thoughtfully.
His words: “Never discipline your child when you are upset. Give yourself time to calm down. Remember that discipline is a way to correct and teach your child. Use privileges to encourage good behavior and time-outs to help your child regain control. If matters aren't handled in that manner, it'll cause the child to be at arms-length with the parent, and there isn't any form of close relationship that'll grow between parent and child.”
Mr. Jude Ogbonna, a father of a daughter, said he had always told his daughter to keep away from men. He mentioned how he started tutoring his daughter when she was three years of age on sex education and all it entails. He instructed her to avoid touching that makes her uncomfortable, and to also report whatever odd remarks she senses from strangers, family friends or relatives.
He went further to emphasize the need for her to abstain from unnecessary kisses, pecks and hugs from strangers and relatives.
He made a standing rule in the house that on no account should she watch anything on the television that was not cartoon unless under the strict supervision of him or her mother.
Mrs. Agbonma Nwabueze, a mother of four children, who is a professional teacher, but runs a business on the side, said that right from foundation, children should be taught what is right and wrong.
She said: “When children are made to know that they are special, and have every right to be safe, they are less likely to think abuse is their fault, and more likely to report an offender. The role of fathers is not left out here. Abuse is not only done physically, as words and actions can cause hurtful wounds that parents may not be aware they caused. Be a nurturing parent and use your actions to show children and other adults that conflicts can be settled without having to hit or yell.”
The pastor with the Redeemed Christian Church of God (RCCG), in Lagos State, Mr. Timothy Adegoke, said that sexual and physical abuse clearly make up cruel treatment, as well as neglect, or the inability of guardians or parents to provide a child with basic necessities and care. He advised that children should not be left constantly alone because that’s when sexual abuses usually occur.
Furthermore, Mrs. Margret Osuji, said that she doesn't entrust the full safety of her children in the hands of relatives, let alone people she barely knows.
She stated: “ Child sexual abuse is a very sensitive issue and whenever I’m discussing such topic with my children, I try as much as possible not to be too stern and unapproachable, so as to not scare them away if there comes a time when they'd like to share something of that nature with me. When speaking to a child about abuse, pay attention, make the child feel comfortable in your presence, give the child an assurance that the child took the right step by confiding in an adult.”
A single mom, Miss Obianuju Dara, stated that it was very important for parents to be involved in their children's business and pay attention in order to notice whenever something was off, because there were always red flags. Dara said: "Be attentive. Know the signs. Unexplained flesh wounds aren't the only signs of abuse. Fear of a certain adult, anxiety, depression, being unable to make friends, finding it hard to trust others, abrupt changes in sleeping or eating patterns, unruly sexual behaviour, improper hygiene, isolation, and hostility are most times signs of problems and may imply a child is being neglected or sexually, emotionally, or physically being abused.”
Mr. Joel Obasi said that parents should make time, get involved with other parents and just invest in children. “Investment here may not always be on a monetary basis. A parent can invest time and attention. Parents should be a voice in support of these efforts made to combat child sexual abuse in the community.”
Mrs. Ukeme Joy, a nurse by profession, said that to push for the local and national lawmakers, to support legislation to better protect children and be supportive of non-governmental organizations that had been set up to improve the lives of children or the abused. She added: “Any case of abuse should be reported. If it is noticed that any child is being harmed or evidence of abuse seen, make a report to the police or any active state's child protective services department.”
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