Another week and another study (this
one about sliders Vs deciders) about how likely we are NOT to survive
the distance with our current partners.
Which is utterly depressing in a glass-half-empty way.
Look
at it with glass-half-full eyes, however, and it also means you get the
chance to go through that delicious falling in love stage again…and
have first time sex.
First time sex: Be active and don't worry about your body
What's changed from the last time you were single?
For
those who are embarking on a sexy, new relationship and eager to make a
good first impression, here's what men tell me your new lover's hoping
for.
He wants you to…
•
Give great oral sex: it's not only one of his favourite things, it
shows you're as interested in giving as you are receiving pleasure.
Be active: I'm not suggesting you
bounce around the bed like a four-year-old who's just consumed their
body weight in sweets, but please don't leave it up to him to make all
the moves.
•
Not stress about your body: Hiding under the covers, insisting the
lights are turned out - you know the drill. Even if your thighs do look
like orange peel (and do they really?) you're having sex with the man!
Unless it's a one-night-stand, at some point he's going to have to see
you naked. Get it over and done with: let him see everything first time
around and you'll both feel better.
Relax: Don't stress about his performance or both of you will be disappointed
• Not stress about his
performance: First time sex can be intense and erotic but it's also
highly charged with expectations. Both of you are nervous and eager for
it to go well but a female's nerves are more easily hidden. (Seriously,
who'd want a penis when it's such an obvious barometer of anxiety?)
Two
things are on the cards if he's nervous of performing: a lack of
erection or premature ejaculation. How you react to either predicts how
good sex will be for the two of you in the future.
Treat
it light-heartedly, don't make a big deal and let him know it's normal
and you understand, and you're set for open, honest, communicative sex.
Over-react, take it personally or make him feel bad about it and he'll
be even more apprehensive next time around with disastrous results.
•
Let him know you're enjoying it: Listen, he's watched the odd episode
of SATC and (if you're really lucky) Girls and maybe even picked up the
odd sex book or two. He knows women fake it and it's not that easy to
get everything right.
Sexpert: The more relaxed you are about the whole thing, Tracey says, the more enamoured he'll be
Don't patronise him by
pretending you like everything he does (unless of course you do!) but do
let him know when he's doing something particularly well. A moan or
'ummmm' will do.
• Save the
post-sex emotional fallout for your friends: If he really doesn't want
to know you now he's had his wicked way, you trying to find out if
you're an item will be even more humiliating. If he really likes you, he
(or you) will be in contact within a day or so to organise your next
date.
The more relaxed
you are about the whole thing, the more smitten he'll be. Be
affectionate and shoot a few meaningful looks so he knows it meant
something (if indeed it did), but resist hanging onto his legs as he
makes for the front door.
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