Intimacy
with julianaFrancis
Is it possible to be married to another yet can't
live without another?
That was the question a friend posed on Facebook and
the answers were tremendous. I’ve been following her steadily on Facebook and I
like her gut. She’s beautiful and daring. I like daring babes. I like Ivy Kanu
period!
But I have issue with, ‘yet can't live without
another?’
Really, is there a babe or guy who can’t live
without another person? I doubt it.
But people like being melodramatic.
Anyway, back to the question of the day and answer
of the day.
This is my response to her: “Life is complicated. Love is
complicated. Marriage is complicated. Emotions are complicated. To make a good
marriage, a guy or lady sometimes marries the person they are compatible with.
Love is not necessarily the bedrock of a successful marriage. This is why you
find couple who are like Romeo and Juliet while dating, becomes Mike Tyson and
Evader Holified after marriage. The lady will have black eye today and the guy
bite marks tomorrow.”
And I
meant what I said.
I have a
male friend who told me that he’s in love with two ladies. He was the person
who made me to understand that you don’t necessarily have to marry someone you
love. Sometimes people marry someone they’re compatible with.
A couple
who is compatible and patience can learn to love each other. But there are many
who love like mad, go into marriage and soon rush out. They seemly fall out of
love for reasons no one can understand once they marry their heartthrobs.
A major
reason most couples fall out of love after marriage is probably because they
fail to face reality. Many want to live in the myth and unrealities that
characterized novel life. They want to romanticize life, but you can’t. Reality
is harsh and hurtful. It’s a life you need to make many adjustments and
tolerance in order to enjoy.
Another
thing is that loving someone else and married to another, doesn’t mean that the
lovebirds will start balling like their very lives depended on it.
I don’t
understand why people think that love is always characterized by sex.
Does it
mean we can’t love a guy or babe without balling the person?
Loving
another babe/guy while married to another abounds in societies, not just
Nigeria.
This situation
most times gives birth to secret lovers. The truth however is that someone can
love you and simply become your guardian angel.
Yes, with
no strings attached!
Do you
think an impotent man can’t love? He can! You think a frigid babe can’t fall in
love? She can!
My thing
however is that if you think you’re in love with someone who is not your
husband/wife, there’s no sense embarking in sexual relationship with him/her.
The
question you should ask yourself is this: where the heck is the sex leading to?
Do you
just want to have sex with him/her for the fun of it?
Oh, she
said it’s an expression of her love. I’ll buy that, but I don’t have to like
it. God! The silly and idiotic things we do in the name of love.
When we’re
dating as youngsters, we allow our sexual adrenalins to control us. We ball
like youngsters, but there’s a belief, hope and sometimes expectations from
such balling.
You’re
hopeful it will metamorphose into something serious. Something like, ‘forever
after.’
When it
doesn’t, you accept ‘the end of the road’ with stoicism, while you tell
yourself that you both sexually enjoyed each other.
I don’t
belong to the school that says, the guy,
‘bang me.’ The truth is that ‘we banged each other and damn well enjoyed it!’
It’s when you take that martyr
outlook that he banged you and now wants to leave you high and dry, that you
become distraught and likely end up hurting yourself. A babe or guy walking out
of a relationship doesn’t mean the end of the world. ebere20@gmail.com SMS: 08155733671
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