The devil in your marriage

I’ve found myself in such a situation. Telling myself that it was not destined to be, made me able to cope with my pains, frustration and not being able to understand how everything just crumbled like a pack of cards

Most times, when we begin to have problems in our marriages, we blame Mr. Devil.

Or sometimes, we turn spiritual or philosophical. Blaming some unknown and unseen forces or soothing ourselves that the relationship, ‘was not meant to be.’

I’ve found myself in such a situation. Telling myself that it was not destined to be, made me able to cope with my pains, frustration and not being able to understand how everything just crumbled like a pack of cards.

Yes, most times, the way we want our relationships to go, is not often the way the cookie crumples.

My point is that we blame everything, everybody and anything except ourselves for the failure of our relationships.

You look for devil where there’s no devil.

You drag out your dirty linens outside, to spread before you friends and yet you fail to see the devil in your marriage.

Your friends are probably the devil in your marriage.

I was listening to two friends/neighbours in my compound.

Let’s call a spade, a spade. I was eaves dropping.

One was having serious marriage crisis with her husband. It’s so bad, that she’s threatening to walk out of her marriage.

She usually runs to her friend in our compound, to narrate her ordeal.

I really don’t understand women; rather than tell her to go and manage her marriage, the friend will assist her in insulting her husband. The friend will tell her: “I’ll never take such nonsense from my husband! My husband knows me naaauuu.”

They’ll insult and laugh at the absent husband. Meanwhile, her marriage is fast falling into the sewer, while her friend is enjoying the comfort and tranquility of her marriage.

Now let me tell you guys a secret.

I live upstairs and get to see and hear what happens in the compound, either from the left or right wing.

The lady with the stormy marriage lives at the right wing, while the marriage destroyer lives at the left wing.

The lady with the stormy marriage used to be treated like an egg by her husband before things started falling apart.

Many times, the husband will assist her to take the refuse dump to the highway to drop, where operatives of the Lagos Waste Management Agency will come to pick them the following day. Many times,  he would go to his kids’ school to pick them.

But the marriage destroyer is another cup of tea. Most mornings, her husband’s screaming at her is what used to snap me awake.

I’ve never been able to understand some men. They treat their wives like housemaids. Even housemaids are treated better.

I don’t understand why a husband would derive joy in screaming every day at his wife. Sometimes, they would want to go out, he would yell from the car that she was wasting his time and that if she doesn’t hurry, he would leave without her.

Sometimes she would meet up with him just as he was driving out of the gate, begging him. Sometimes he would even leave her behind.

I don’t think her marriage is as rosy as she paints it to her friend.

But then, whose marriage is rosy in Nigeria?

All we need to do is to pray and hope it will get better. If you storm out of your marriage, where are you storming to?

If you storm out, another woman will storm in.

Even your friends, who were giving you suggestions on how to run your marriage, will be the first to laugh and ridicule you.

Some friends are simply jealous of you, but you don’t have the wisdom to decipher this intent.

Some yearn to swap places with you, to have the sort of husband you have, but you just don’t know it.

Some friends give good suggestions, others are home wreckers; you just need to begin to figure out the category your friend(s) belongs.

Some friends will tell you: don’t allow your husband to bang you, claiming that’s the only way to make him bow to your wish, but this your friend begs for sex from her husband every night.

That your husband sexually hungers and salivates for you piques some of your friends. They wish their husbands to crave for them that same way.

Your husband gives you N50,000 as upkeep every month; you’re dissatisfied just because your friend told you that her husband gives her N100,000 every month.

I’ve told you guys this story before. It happened at Bariga. We saw best friends fighting like their lives depended on killing each other.

They were separated by the time they had torn their clothes and were almost baring it all to every eyes.

The story finally out. One of the ladies used to quarrel and fight her husband every day at home. What is the cause of their constant quarrels? Money!

She felt her husband was not giving her enough. She used to make references to her friend’s husband who apparently used to lavish money on his wife.

Whenever she tells her friend that her husband bought this or that for her, she would ridicule the item and insist that her husband bought her something, which she would add more value on.

The devil was finally unveiled on the fateful day her friend’s husband, who incidentally was her husband’s friend walked into one of their fighting.

When he heard the cause of their fight, he laughed. He felt it was funny. He told them that he used to give his wife peanut because he knew she would always find a way to complement it.

If she complains, she knew he would deny her money for several days as punishment.

He couldn’t even recollect the last time he bought anything.

The lady was shocked. She was going to confront her friend. They ran into each other on the road and that was the fight we witnessed.

The thing however is this: the devil can only come into your marriage if you allow him or her.

The good God in his infinite mercy has given you a thinking faculty. Use it.

The devil can be anyone. Just shine your eyes and know the person.

If you think you have it worst, think about your friends. I can bet you that there’re so many of them who your situation is better than.

There was a time my sister-in-law felt I was suffering financially and she was right.

She told me that she would assist me to get over my sufferings.

She would take me to a place where they would prepare something for me; once I demanded money from my husband, he would go to any length to get and give it to me.

I didn’t think over it twice. I said no. She was not happy with my decision. Till date, she had not forgiven me. I can tell. She stopped coming to my house.

My thinking is this: if my husband wants to give me money, let him. If he doesn’t, I wouldn’t want to collect it using juju. Just not worth it!

I didn’t do it. Yes, my financial condition has not improved, but I’m still alive! My source of being alive today, waking up everyday, is GOD. All marriages can’t be the same, make the most of yours.

If your friend uses one method in her marriage, it doesn’t mean that same trick will work for you.

Think before you allow that serpent into your garden. Every garden has sweet and rotten fruits. So also does marriage. Don’t forget that!

ebere20@gmail.com  SMS ONLY: 08155733671.