My Reverend wants to ball

Internet pix

I might be wrong, but I don’t think I am!

I’ve been on this earth and know all the intrigues associated with green and red lights.

I know when a guy wants to ball me.

I’ve always told people. To do God work no be by force.

I don’t understand why you should claim to have dedicated your life to serving God, yet you’ll be lusting after other women.

You no sabi say to do God work no be yam? 

If your manhood will lead you to hell, cut it off!

 No be me talk am. Na bible.

The bible also says, as Christians, we should be dead to the flesh. If ordinary Christians are asked to be dead to the flesh, what do you think Reverend, pastors are asked to do?

I lie?

Anyway, I may be jumping to the wrong conclusion, but please hear my story:

I was single when I met the Reverend.

Mind you, he’s not a Reverend father O!

He’s Reverend from a Pentecostal church.

In fact, he was one of the men that proposed to me. He didn’t make my heart beat. He didn’t light up my world. He did nothing to my system. I figured he was not the guy for me.

Moreover, I didn’t like the fact that he was always forcing himself to speak phonetic, like Americana, when I knew he had never crossed the Murtala Mohammed International Airport.

I turned down his marriage proposal.

Since then, we’ve remained friends.

I got married. He also later got married. But his marriage didn’t work out.

He relocated to the East and remarried.

For years I didn’t hear from him.

He called one day; I was surprised he still kept my phone number.

He called me and we started chatting. I innocently asked him about his new wife. 

He started telling me how he was always balling his wife, giving her the best sexual satisfaction. 

He said it was not easy, but he was equal to the task. He went on and on. I listened and didn’t shut him up.

I didn’t understand the reason for the lewd discussion. My ears got burnt. 

I blushed in furious embarrassment. But he didn’t see me.

Was he trying to tell me that I missed the best bang of my life by refusing to marry him?

Your guess is as good as mine!

Why on earth will a Reverend, call up a woman and start discussing such nonsense?

For crying out loud, he was supposed to be a man of God! A servant of God! A mouthpiece of God! One with an exemplary life of Jesus Christ.

Don’t you think he’s in the wrong profession? Did he actually hear God calling him before he dive in and became a Reverend?

Anyway, his ministry is at east, so he spends most of his time there than in Lagos. His family is also based in the East.

Some weeks ago, he came to my house. And for no reason, he showed me a picture of a house he had just completed. He told me that he would still add another wing.

Like I give a crap!

On one of the days he was in Lagos. He called me. He said he was all alone at home, as usual. He said he was bored. He said he didn’t know what to do. I told him to read his bible. I reminded that reading bible, studying the word of God was what men of God like him are supposed to do.

He said he was tired of reading the bible. He wanted me to come over and keep him company.

Can you imagine that? Shey he be baby abi na wetin?

I told him I didn’t have time.

He was in Lagos another time. He wanted to take me out. He wanted to take me to an eatery. I told him I wasn’t a kid. I told him that we should pick a place where they do ‘point and kill,’ delicacies. I told him that it’s only ‘boys and girls,’ that go to eateries.

I’m a woman.

He said I should meet him at a bus stop. I told him to meet me at my street. He refused and I stayed home.

Another month, he came to Lagos. He wanted me to come and visit him at home. 

He said he always comes to my house, but I had never bothered to know where he stays.

I said okay, but I knew I wouldn’t go.

He called until he got tired. That same day, he called me again in the evening time. He didn’t sound angry. He just sounded resigned.

He said: “You’re not coming abi.”

“My brother, I’m not! I dey tired.”

The line went off.

What I believe was the final straw happened.

It was caused by a bowl of hot eba and vegetable soup. He was there when I prepared the eba and brought out the sinfully tantalising, aromatic soup from the freezer to warm.

After the food incident, I didn’t expect him to call me.

Before I go back to the eba and vegetable soup story…do you guys think he wants to ball me?

I mean, he’s a man of God OOO!

But after listening to my story, what do you guys think?

To be continued.