MIRACLES DO HAPPEN! At the age
of 42 newly single Aminah Hart made a decision that changed her life in a
way that she never could have imagined, leading her to meet and fall in
love with the stranger whose sperm she used to conceive her daughter.
At
the time, the Melbourne professional wanted to have a child but had
already suffered the tragic loss of two sons due to a genetic disorder
called x-linked myotubular myopathy, a condition that affects muscles
used for movement and occurs almost exclusively in boys.
Her
first son Marlon, conceived with her former husband, died at the age of
four months, while she was living in England, and in 2010 when Aminah
was living back in Australia, Louis - fathered by a former partner -
died at the age of 14 months.
‘You
can’t really put it into words. I had two relationships and two
children but it wasn't until the second one that I got a diagnosis of
the genetic disorder,’ Aminah told Daily Mail Australia.
Aminah Hart, her daughter Leila, and
anonymous sperm donor Scott Andersen came together after Aminah's mother
tracked Scott down online
She
had always anticipated she would have children but she said it wasn’t
until her early 30s that she began to seriously think about it.
At
42, Aminah felt like time was running out but she was also faced with
the prospect that the genetic disorder has a 1 in 4 chance of occurring
in every pregnancy.
She thought long and hard about her options and decided to use a sperm donor to conceive.
'It
took me a long time to make the decision and I considered everything:
my age, social status and that I carried a fatal genetic disorder… I had
the understanding that I wasn't a great prospect.'
Aminah decided to 'give it one last go'.
She
was given three pieces of paper by the fertility clinic with the vital
statistics of three anonymous men – one of whom would become not only
the biological father of her daughter but her future partner.
Baby Leila was born on 14 August 2012, weighing a 'big and healthy' 3.9 kilos
Aminah’s mother Helen had tracked down
Leila's father on Google after she found a photo of an amateur footy
coach who had the same striking blonde hair and blue eyes as Leila
When deciding which sperm donor to choose she looked for a man that had the key qualities she wanted in her child.
‘You
don’t get a photo, it’s literally just a profile - less than a LinkedIn
page, with vital statistics, age, body build, hair colour, interests as
a kid , and job,’ Aminah explained.
The donor that stood out from the three was a man who described himself as ‘happy and easy going’ with a strong work ethic.
‘He
also had a really clean genetic background and there wasn’t anything
lurking in his family in terms of disability… I also looked at mental
health because my own resilience had been what got me through the trauma
I experienced and I wanted a child as equally resilient,’ Aminah said.
Scott
Andersen’s sperm had been in 'quarantine' since 2010 when Aminah chose
it in 2011, so the sperm bank had time to rule out diseases.
Her chosen donor also already had four happy healthy children, which reassured Aminah.
Aminah Hart was 42 and single when she made the decision to use a sperm donor to conceive
Aminah
(right) grew up not knowing her own father so was keen for Leila (left)
to have the chance to meet her dad if she wanted to
She
had grown up without knowing her own father, having last seen him when
she was just 11 months old, so was keen for her future child to meet
their father.
‘Scott said on his profile that he was happy to meet any child that was conceived,’ Aminah added.
When baby Leila was born on August 14, 2012, weighing a ‘big and healthy’ 3.9 kilos, Aminah said she felt ‘relieved’.
‘Honestly
when she came out I felt nothing else just relieved and overwhelmed
that I had a child in my arms… the pregnancy had been horrific as I’d
been unable to relax,’ she added.
Leila
was back in hospital in a critical condition just three weeks later
suffering a problem with her airways but doctors saved her life with
emergency surgery and Aminah was once again able to enjoy her happy,
healthy little girl.
Meanwhile,
Aminah’s mother Helen had grown increasingly interested in who Leila’s
father might be as her blonde hair and blue eyes were in contrast to
Aminah’s West Indian appearance.
Scott and Leila hit it off almost immediately and quickly built a good rapport
Aminah took her daughter Leila to meet her biological father shortly after her first birthday
‘Six
months later my mum had been snooping around Google. She knew that
Scott had said he was a cattle breeder and was an amateur footy coach,’
Aminah said.
Despite
thinking it wasn’t a good idea at first, when her mum became convinced
she’d found Leila’s father Aminah decided to contact the agency and
offer her details in case he wanted to get in touch or see a photo of
his daughter.
‘Mum
had dug out a photo from his football club and I said “I really don’t
know”, but she could see a similarity in a six month old baby. They do
both have blonde hair and blue eyes… she is cute as a button.’
Scott
responded and the pair began exchanging emails, Aminah sent photos of
Leila and by the time their daughter was one year old they had decided
it was time to meet in person.
‘He asked me in the early days “when do you want to meet up?”,’ Aminah said.
On
August 18, 2013, Aminah and Leila drove an hour and a half from
Melbourne to Scott’s house near Phillip Island, about 140 km
south-southeast of Melbourne, where they met not only him but two of his
children.
Aminah’s mother Helen had grown
increasingly interested in who Leila’s father might be as her blonde
hair and blue eyes were in contrast to Aminah’s West Indian appearance
Scott, who already had two children, was besotted with his biological daughter from the moment they met
‘It
was much easier than I’d anticipated. I was nervous … I was walking in
to meet a complete stranger and I had his genetic child in my arms,’
Aminah laughed.
There was an instant rapport between the pair, with Aminah finding Scott ‘easygoing’ and ‘a bit of a talker’.
Their children played together and Aminah could see how Scott kept looking at Leila.
‘He was a little bit nervous as well but she looked a lot like him,’ Aminah said.
The pair chatted but at that point Aminah was not looking at Scott as a potential partner.
‘My
head wasn’t even in that space, I was sort of seeing someone at that
time… it was all about Leila so the main thing for me was hoping we
could create a good rapport.’
The
meeting went so well that Aminah and Leila began seeing Scott every few
weeks. Leila had just started to walk and when she toddled up to Scott
and sat with him, Aminah thought it was a ‘lovely thing’.
‘After
that he emailed me and said he would like to see her quite regularly
and we agreed fortnightly visits… then he said "would it be OK if we did
it more regularly" and we started meeting weekly.’
After that things changed, Aminah began looking at Scott in a different light.
Leila had just started to walk, when she toddled up to Scott and sat with him
‘I
thought “oh he’s actually quite gorgeous”. I was confused about it and I
remember saying to a girlfriend “I think I’ve got a bit of a crush on
Leila’s dad”,’ Aminah recalled.
Anxious not to ‘stuff things up’ or jeopardise the great relationship they had built up, Aminah said nothing.
‘Then he said to me “would it be really greedy if I asked for two visits a week”,’ she laughed.
It
was coming up to Christmas and Scott’s son had noticed a spark between
his dad and Aminah... the pair ended up sharing their feelings.
‘We were like “OK what happens now”.’
One
day a road accident caused the pair to be stuck in a jam on the way to
Phillip Island. Instead of sitting in traffic they went to a local pub.
What they thought would be a short wait turned into a seven hour road
closure and a friend of Scott’s recommended they should stay the night
at his house nearby.
‘We
had a few drinks and they put a mattress on the floor for us - one
mattress between two people… but it was not awkward, I actually found
him really protective of the baby and me and there was this sense that
we were there as a family.
Ten months have passed since Aminah and Scott fell in love. Aminah says her life is now full of 'happiness and joy'
Aminah says their story is just the 'beginning rather than a happy ending'
‘It was quite surreal that it was not uncomfortable. There was a little bit of romance born that night,’ Aminah remembered.
The
pair discussed their fears about what could go wrong but Aminah
reassured Scott that whatever happened she would never take Leila away
from him, despite him having no legal rights as a sperm donor.
That Christmas, the three spent it together as a family. ‘We fell in love. It was surreal but an incredible experience.’
Ten
months have passed and Aminah, who describes herself as a ‘city girl at
heart’, still can’t believe she is in love with a cattle farmer.
‘I
am down at the farm a few days a week and he comes up to Melbourne when
he’s not pulling calves out of their mother,’ she joked.
Aminah
sees their relationship as a ‘beginning rather than a happy ending’ and
calls it a ‘really beautiful chapter’ in her life full of ‘happiness
and joy’.
‘My
boys are still very much my boys, they made me who I am today and have
made me a better person… they are very much my life and until I end that
story doesn't end.’
Watch Aminah, Scott and Leila on Australian Story, Three Bits of Paper, on Monday November 3, at 8pm on ABC.
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